Regulation refers to our ability to modify arousal levels and match emotions and energy to complete tasks that we need or want to do. It’s essential to understand that being “calm” isn’t always the goal—regulation is about finding the right level of alertness for the task at hand.
Think about it: a child needs a higher level of alertness for a PE class than for a quiet reading session. A student needs to be more alert during an exam than during a relaxation exercise. True regulation means being able to shift between these states appropriately.
What Does Regulation Look Like?
Regulation exists on a spectrum. At one end, we have low arousal states (sleepy, disengaged), and at the other end, high arousal states (excited, anxious, overwhelmed). The goal isn’t to stay in the middle—it’s to be able to move fluidly along this spectrum based on what each situation requires.
For children, developing this flexibility takes time, practice, and the support of regulated adults around them. Co-regulation—where an adult helps a child manage their emotional state—is a crucial stepping stone to self-regulation.
Supporting Regulation in Everyday Life
Rather than aiming for calm, focus on helping children find their ‘just right’ state for whatever they need to do next. This might mean helping an under-aroused child get energised for learning, or helping an over-aroused child settle before a focused task.
Remember: the goal is flexible regulation, not permanent calm.
Our Behaviour Series Parts 1–8 unpacks regulation in exactly this way — what it really means, why calm isn’t always the target, and what to do instead.