Often we hear people say, “oh, but it’s just behaviour.”
As if there are only two options:
something is going on for the child… or they’re choosing it.
But behaviour doesn’t work like that.
Behaviour can be described as how someone acts. It is what a person does to make something happen, change, or stay the same. This definition from NSW Health highlights that behaviour is a response to internal experiences, including how we respond to the environment around us, as well as our thoughts, feelings, and intentions.
When supporting behaviour, we often focus on what we can see, like a child hitting, refusing, running away, or shutting down. But when we begin to look underneath the behaviour and what is leading to it, we can start to understand what might be contributing, rather than simply trying to manage the response itself.
For example, a child may run away, but underneath this, they may have been overwhelmed by the noise in a busy room. When another child screamed, their nervous system registered it as too much and moved into protection, telling their body to “run.”
So when we say it’s not “just behaviour,” we mean that what we see on the outside is only one part of a much bigger story happening underneath.
A different way to understand behaviour
Instead of focusing on stopping behaviour, we can start to look a little deeper.
- What might be making this hard right now?
- Is their body overwhelmed?
- Is a skill still developing?
- Is the environment asking too much?
When we begin to ask these questions, patterns start to emerge. Behaviour begins to make more sense, not because it disappears, but because we understand what is driving it.
A simple way to start
We’ve created an 8-part guide to help you do exactly this.
Each part focuses on one small, practical shift:
- Where to start
- Noticing patterns
- Understanding the “why”
- Recognising early signs
- What helps in the moment
- What happens after
- Your role in regulation
- Moving forward with confidence
It’s designed to be worked through slowly, one step at a time, helping you build understanding without feeling overwhelmed.
Final thought
You don’t need to have all the answers.
But when you begin to see behaviour as part of something bigger, not just behaviour, everything starts to shift
Explore the full guide here → Behaviour Series Parts 1 - 8 – Regulated and Ready