You don't always need another regulation activity. Sometimes a small change in what we say, do or expect can make a moment feel more manageable.
When we talk about supporting children's regulation, it's easy to imagine a list of activities: deep breaths, sensory tools, movement breaks, calm corners, yoga.
And these things can absolutely be useful tools.
But regulation support doesn't always need to look like a “regulation strategy.”
Sometimes it's changing the way we give an instruction. Sometimes it's making a task smaller. Sometimes it's giving a child's body an opportunity to move. Sometimes it's connecting before we correct. And sometimes it's simply recognising that the child in front of us needs a little more support than they currently have.
Here are five small changes you can try in the everyday moments that tend to feel tricky.
1. Instead of repeating the instruction, make the next step predictable
We've all been there.
“Come on, shoes on.”
“Shoes.”
“Where are your shoes?”
“Come on, we're going to be late!”
It can feel like we're saying the same thing over and over again.
But repeating an instruction doesn't necessarily make it easier for a child to process. For many children, knowing what is happening next and what is expected of them can be much more helpful than hearing the same instruction again.
Try this instead:
Rather than: “Come on, get ready. We're leaving.”
Try: “First shoes, then we're heading to the car.”
Or: “Two more minutes of play, then shoes.”
Or at school: “First pack your books away, then we'll meet on the mat.”
You can also use:
- a visual schedule
- a timer
- a countdown
- fingers to show how many turns are left
- a “first → then” statement
- a consistent transition song or phrase
Why might this help?
Transitions require children to stop one thing, shift their attention, understand what is coming next and organise themselves for the next task. That's a lot of brain work.
Making the ending and the next step more predictable can reduce some of that uncertainty.
And remember: the goal isn't to make every transition easy. It's to give the child enough information and support to participate in the transition.
2. Instead of saying “calm down”, help them notice what's happening
When emotions are high, we can be tempted to say: “Calm down.”
But imagine someone telling you to “calm down” when you're already overwhelmed. It's not necessarily giving you anything useful to do.
Instead, we can help children begin to notice what is happening in their body.
Try:
“Your breathing is really fast. Let's slow our bodies down together.”
Or: “I can see your fists are really tight.”
Or: “Your body looks like it has lots of energy right now.”
Or, once they're calm: “What did you notice happening in your body when you were really angry?”
This is where interoception comes in. Interoception is our awareness of signals coming from inside our body — things like:
- hunger
- thirst
- needing the toilet
- heart rate
- breathing
- muscle tension
- tiredness
- feeling hot or cold
These signals provide information about what is happening inside us. For children, developing awareness of these signals can be supported through lots of small, everyday conversations. And you don't need to turn it into a lesson.
Try:
Before lunch: “What is your tummy telling you?”
After running: “Can you feel your heart beating?”
Before bed: “How is your body feeling now?”
After a big emotion: “What did you notice in your body?”
The goal isn't to teach children that every body signal has one exact meaning. It's to give them opportunities to notice, describe and become curious about their own body.
3. Instead of asking them to “sit still”, give their body a job
Sometimes we see movement as the problem. A child is wriggling. Getting up. Tapping. Leaning. Fidgeting. And our immediate response might be: “Sit still.”
But movement and participation aren't always opposites. For some children, having opportunities to move can actually be part of how they engage with an activity.
So instead of always removing movement, try giving it a purpose.
At home:
“Can you carry these plates to the table?”
“Want to stand while you brush your teeth?”
“Can you push the washing basket over here?”
At school or preschool:
“Can you take these books to the other table?”
“Would you like to stand while you do this?”
“Can you hand these out to everyone?”
“Let's walk to the next activity together.”
Movement doesn't need to mean “stop everything and have a movement break.” It can simply become part of the activity.
Think: How can I build movement into the participation I'm already asking for? Rather than: How can I get this child to stop moving?
Of course, this won't be the right approach for every child or every situation. That's the point. We're not looking for a universal strategy. We're looking at the individual child and asking: what support might make participation more achievable right now?
4. Instead of making the whole task smaller, make the first step smaller
Have you ever watched a child completely refuse something and thought: but it's not even that hard?
Sometimes the challenge isn't the task itself. It's getting started.
A task can feel enormous when a child isn't sure where to begin, doesn't yet have the skills required, or is already carrying a lot of cognitive or emotional load.
So instead of: “Just start.”
Try making the first step incredibly clear.
Try:
“You don't have to do the whole thing. Let's just do the first part together.”
Or: “I'll do the first one, then you can have a turn.”
Or: “Let's just get the paper and pencil ready.”
Or: “Which part should we start with?”
You might break a task down into: get the paper → write your name → choose one question → start. Rather than: “Finish your worksheet.”
This isn't about lowering expectations. It's about considering whether the way the task is presented matches the child's current capacity and skills.
Sometimes the smallest step is the one that gets everything moving.
5. Instead of fixing first, connect first
This might be the biggest one.
When a child is upset, angry or overwhelmed, our instinct can be to immediately solve the problem.
“Stop.” “You're okay.” “There's nothing to be upset about.” “Just calm down.” “You need to use your words.”
But sometimes the first thing a child needs isn't a solution. They need us to be with them in the moment.
Try:
“I can see this is really hard right now. I'm here.”
Or: “You really didn't want that to happen.”
Or: “I'm staying with you. We'll work this out.”
And yes — you can still hold the boundary. Connection does not mean saying yes.
You can say: “I won't let you hit. I'm staying right here with you.”
Or: “I'm not going to let you throw that. You can be angry, and I'm going to help you keep everyone safe.”
This is co-regulation. We're not expecting a child to manage a big moment completely independently. We're providing our presence, predictability and support while they work through it.
So what should you try first?
Don't try all five tomorrow. Seriously.
Pick one. Think about the moment in your day that repeatedly feels difficult. Maybe it's:
- getting out the door
- packing up
- sitting for a task
- starting homework
- coming inside
- leaving the playground
- getting ready for bed
- managing big emotions
Then ask: what is one small thing I could change about the way I support this moment?
Could you make it more predictable? Use fewer words? Build in movement? Make the first step smaller? Connect before giving the instruction?
Small changes don't magically make every challenging moment disappear. And they won't work the same way for every child. But they can give us another way to approach those moments — one that starts with support rather than simply expecting the child to change.
Regulation isn't one activity
This is something we come back to again and again at Regulated & Ready.
Regulation isn't a checklist of activities. It's not: “child is dysregulated → give sensory tool → child regulates.”
Children are individuals. Their needs change. Their environments change. Their capacity changes. And the same strategy that works one day might not be what they need the next.
Instead, think about creating lots of opportunities for regulation and co-regulation throughout the day — through connection, movement, predictability, body awareness, communication, play, environmental changes, supportive relationships and manageable challenges.
That's why we create resources that can be woven into the everyday rather than requiring another program to add to your already-full day.
Want practical tools to support this?
Our Ready for Yoga cards combine movement, body awareness, interoceptive prompts and breathing activities in a simple format that can be used at home, school or in therapy.
Our Connection Journal provides simple prompts and activities designed to create opportunities for connection between children and their important grown-ups.
Our Ready to Reset cards bring together movement, connection, breathing and sensory activities for those moments when you want something simple to reach for.
Because supporting regulation doesn't have to mean doing more. Sometimes it's about changing one small thing about how we do what we're already doing.